Tysabri # 11

Today was Tysabri infusion #11 and I almost missed it! I was busy drawing a trumeau with flanking mirrors for a lady when I got a call from Presbyterian asking if I'd like to reschedule. Luckily I was able to go late and it was no big deal. I usually reserve infusion day for resting and soaking up all that expensive Natalizumab, but it was kind of nice not thinking about it beforehand. I happened to have my camera in my purse so I thought I'd take some pictures since people sometimes ask what it's like in there. I go to the Oncology center in the hospital and it's pretty nice & fancy, not all clinical and depressing. I usually just nap anyway.
I read A History of God for the first hour and slept through the second.
Here is the catheter going in the one good spot I have; the nurse started lower down my arm but that one wasn't cooperating; can you blame it? I try to reserve this site but the nurse said it's already showing some scar tissue. Oh well there's always the hand.


Here's the IV bags, the one with the amber colored sleeve is the Tysabri. I always have to watch the needle go in and everything. I don't like it when you have to get a shot in the hip because I can't see what's going on.

Here's where I can see how much time I have left. This was about half way through. Time for some zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

This is the one architectural embellishment outside the building. I think it's pretty; reminds me of some of my visual reference books for drawing up carvings for my mirrors and trumeaus. It's some kind of floral garland swag thing, sort of French or English.

I was in a hurry since I was late so I used the free valet parking at the main entrance just under this shot. As I hurried in line worrying about my schedule and thinking about other "important" things I saw what could only have been a mother with her 7-9 year old daughter getting ready to go in. The little girl was being pushed in a wheelchair by her Mom and they were both bald headed; the Mom's was freshly buzz cut and you could see thick dark stubble but you could see the little girl's was bald as in fallen out from chemo bald. They were both so beautiful. I've heard of this kind of thing before; a person loses their hair due to cancer treatments and their friend, parent, sibling, spouse shaves their head in a show of support but this was not on TV, it was different witnessing this in "real life." It always wakes me up and reminds me of what is real in life when I see a display of unspoiled love and affection such as this. I would love to shave my head for someone, I don't mean that to sound flip but for years I've been tempted to do it to liberate myself from the bondage that Hair is to a woman, and what a sacraficial ritual to take part in, very tempting.

If I were more pushy, or friendly, or something else I'm not quite, I may have found a way to politely ask for their picture; but I just admired them from afar and felt love for them. You could say I prayed for them.

I always wince a little when I find myself in need of telling someone I am praying for them; it's so awful but it always sounds a bit...false in my ears. Not that I don't pray because I do! I think it's because I don't go to Church, I am not a Church person. Sure my family went when I was little and I'm glad, seems I'd have missed something important if we had not.

When I was about 8 Dad asked me and Brandi if we wanted to go to Church on Sundays, or go to the Farm. Heathens that we were it was no contest; Farm! Church didn't stand a chance (you might even say "Church didn't have a prayer" but that would be blasphemy and I'm not quite that bad!) We would float around the pond on inner tubes and Dad would tell us Bible stories, sometimes cool Old Testament ones; Lot's wife turning into a pillar of salt and such, good stuff. And hey, Jesus himself said "wherever two or three of you gather in His name, He is in your midst" Matthew 18:20-Google it!

I thought about my aversion to saying things like "I'm praying for you" or "I'll pray about it" in the Oncology center while reading about God. The book covers the God of three main religions, Judaism, Islam and Christianity...and let me tell you I have alot to learn, this little heathen has been out of Church long time!

Why does it make me uncomfortable? Why do I feel like an impostor? I am a believer in God, and I do pray. I think it is because my experience with Church goers leaves me feeling like an outsider; I don't believe everything that Christianity demands of you which is ironic because I can go along with the teachings of Jesus himself...it's a bit of a quandary.

Then there's the contemporary non-dogmatic-religious-speak such as "I'm sending you love and light" and "I'm visualizing (insert your intention here)" but those are too wordy and just a touch cheesy too aren't they? I usually just go with "pray"; everyone accepts it and has an understanding of what it is that is more or less accurate for my purposes.

When I was a child and I prayed the way I was taught to in Sunday School it was different. You remember, hands together in front of your heart, head bowed, eyes closed, then you asked God for whatever. "I pray The Lord my soul to keep", or was it actually "I pray Thee Lord"? No I think that's Shakespeare.

When I "pray" now it's either nothing like that or pretty much the same thing, I'm not sure which. Isn't it just as simple as having a thought, forming an intention? I visualize the object of my prayer, health or what have you. Doesn't it say in The Bible to pray as though your prayer has already been answered? Isn't that the same as "visualizing"?

I will spend the rest of my life studying God, Spirit, The Universe; it's one of the most basic human needs. We want answers, we want meaning, we want there to be an order to things.

I am so grateful to have been raised with God in my home but no religious zealots.

As I said I'm not a Christian but I "sure as Hell aint no atheist either!"

Now for a little more studying the History of God before bed. I'll let you know when I get it all figured out.