Yesterday was my 15th Tysabri infusion. It was uneventful and I didn't nap but read Garden & Gun magazine and The Bedside Book Of Death (which I hid from view of all the other patients).
I read an article about a Virginia man who is obsessed with carnivorous pitcher plants, it was fascinating! Oh how I admire professional writers. I also admire people who get obsessed with weird things like flowers that include rats and frogs in their diets.
Be advised the next section is a bunch of MS talk; feel free to skip ahead to the next picture for different topics.
I went to see Dr. Thor last week so he could look at the MRI I had last November. He is delightful and has the most wonderful Norwegian accent that makes him sound even smarter than he would if he sounded like a local. He explained that this scan shows several "black holes" mostly in my right hemisphere which would account for the persistent numbness on my left side. Black holes are places where, once the myelin has been eaten away by your wacked out immune system the neurons it once coated have died and scar tissue has not filled in the space, literally leaving a black hole. Far out huh? It sounds quite ominous & cool but in my case it doesn't amount to much.
I wonder, what part of my brain has been vaporized? Was it the part that's in charge of remembering everything I'm supposed to take with me when I walk out the door? No, that part has never been fully functional. Maybe it was the part that stored memories of things I did with friends years ago and now when they tell me I have no recollection...Wouldn't it be great if the very part I lost were something I'd rather not have, like my "Math" weakness or my tendency to pull my hair out when I'm tired and my hands are idle.
It did occur to me however, that just a few short years ago upon hearing of this possibility it scared me half to death.
Before I started the Tysabri infusions I tried the other conventional injections and found them all to be intolerable. They all either made me sick every time I took them or gave me anaphylactic shock sporadically. I went in to talk to one of the doctors at Thor's office who was very kind and answered all my questions. I wondered what I might expect if I were to quit treatment all together, an option that was fast looking better and better with each allergic reaction I encountered. That was the first time I heard about black holes and it sounded awful. "But, I need all of my brain!" I thought.
It didn't really sink in for a few days and then I discovered it fairly freaked me out. I've learned that the power of the mind to protect itself is pretty amazing. Sometimes when I hear something upsetting it doesn't "land" for a while. Weird. But I suppose since I already got upset over the black hole situation years ago I'm over it now and it doesn't feel like anything remarkable, even a week later.
Or maybe when you've had something like MS for five years when you hear something scary you just think "Oh yeah, what's new?" Yes, yes my brain has holes in it but what is the weather going to be like tomorrow?
In other news I am enjoying making up a large inventory for my upcoming Etsy Shop opening! I love jewelry making so much, even the "gyppy" kind where there is no soldering involved. I do enjoy seeing what can be done with limited resources available. I've been assembling pieces mixing found objects like clock pieces and old skeleton keys with prefabed components. I always sand and oxidize the new stuff to make it blend better.
I've been quite enamored of escutcheons (key holes) lately. They're such interesting little icons; they conjure up architecture and just a hint of mystery. This oval one was cut from a silver platter. I used a damaged one that is silver plate on copper for this. I could never bring myself to destroy a nice piece of sterling when there is so much silverplate to be found. The only draw back is that I can't solder it; the heat burns the silver right off. I could use some cold joining techniques, but that still limits what I could do...
I love oxidizing chains and combining them with jump rings. I need a good source for varying chains...I'm keeping my eyes peeled.
The Fleur de lis is another favorite symbol of mine. It is a stylized version of an iris and originated in France. I've worked the icon into some of my woodcarving and I'm using it in jewelry design also.
I am just itching for a torch and some sheets of silver. I want to construct some tiny coffins, with lids that actually open and some more tombstones like my ring too. But for now there is so much I can do with what I have. I was thinking earlier today about how much I love old water towers of all types...I am going to cut out some simple water tower silhouettes from the engraved silverplate I have on hand. Also I may do some skyscraper silhouettes...
It's a challenge to come up with something that hasn't been done before but I think I can manage; that part of my brain is still intact.
5 comments:
I admire you so much for your positive attitude with your MS. I had cancer years ago and I firmly believe that had I not has such a positive attitude that I would not be here..as I have always said, Onward and Upward!
You are amazing. These designs are wonderful!
LuLu♥
Oh Dear Dusti, thank you for some real humanity tonight. You are the rockinest black holy head ever. I love your candid commentary and I also very much heart the escutcheon necklaces- all of them, especially the ones with the hands.
By the way, I have a friend who has a carnivorous plant nursery business. Those plants rock hard and are gorgeous too!
I sleep now. Love, Dana
ps Maybe poetically speaking, the black holes are portals of creativity.
Wow, what sweet compliments; I feel like "Aw, shucks"! I agree, being negative is bad for you, plain & simple. Reality is what you make of it so you may as well make it great. And your comments on my work are greatly appreciated. So sweet of you to take the time!
Dana; heart heart hearts:) I am totally fascinated by black holes (the heavenly kind) and I think it's so funny and weird that I have some in me ol' noggin now. Maybe they're portals to another universe, a parallel reality where I'm a super smart math whiz or something? I like this reality just fine though. Especially because this one contains you.
You are my writing hero!
So glad you popped by for a visit!
The new art supplies are LuminArt's Twinkling H2O's - (little watercolor cakes).....Eeeeek! They are awesome! Here is the link to where you can find them:
http://www.luminarteinc.com/catalog/twinkling-h20s-individual.html
Have a wonderful day sweet one!
LuLu♥
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