What I need

Sometimes I feel like this! (see picture of frolicking dog below) So I put on my New Balance shoes and sunscreen and head to the tracks with Miss Roxi, who has infinite energy. I like to walk the railroad tracks near my house because the swath of land cut through the city looks like the country. You can fool yourself. I even see BIG deer tracks out there.
The point is, being away from houses, asphalt, sidewalks, people and cars feels totally different. I have to have my outside time, preferably in the country, or somewhere I can fool myself into imagining I'm in the country. Something about urbanity drains me, just sucks my essence right out, like the Skeksis did to the Gelflings in The Dark Crystal. I've been that way since I can remember, but now that I have MS it is much more pronounced.
I have to have my weekly Farm therapy at my Dad's place, and this time of year is just great because I can go tubing in the pond, my most favorite activity. Riding horses would be first If we had some young ride-able steeds. But since Sugar is so old and Whiskey is old and yet still a huge pain in the ass to try to ride I will have to wait for that particular therapy.
So as I was saying, I get out on the tracks with my dog and feel like this:

I go and go, full steam ahead or pacing myself. I like to lengthen my stride sometimes so that I step on every other rail road tie, it works different muscles and stretches my legs out at the same time. I think about how far I will go today! I imagine walking all the way to downtown, all the way to where the spider web of tracks really begins to come together. But by the time I'm behind Home Depot I know I should turn back. If I run out of steam far away from home it will be depressing drudgery getting back, so I go ahead and turn around. And the truth is I always feel defeated doing this. But it's what I have to do and by the time I get home I am exhausted. And every time I'm surprised! Every time I wonder if I'm just being a wuss, if knowing I have MS gives me some sort of excuse in the back of my mind and sets me up for giving in,
being weak,
quitting.
I intend to live away from the city, out in the country, where a sight such as this is a stone's throw behind my house, or trailer, or shanty, whichever.
I imagine what it would be like, what it will be like to wake up in the morning, get on my horse and take off with nothing but a canteen...(and maybe an mp3 player). The awesome thing about riding horses is you can go really far and when you're worn out you just let the horse walk you home. If you're too tired to haul ass over the hills and through the woods anymore that's fine, you just meander home at a leisurely pace. But don't get me wrong, bareback riding is exercise. Hop on and ride around for 15 minutes and tell me you didn't discover muscles you didn't know you had. The next day you will be feeling it.
I ask myself how I'm gonna make this happen? How is it that I am 33 and living a horseless life in the city? Never mind, I have to focus on what I will have:
a residence in the country, chickens, my dog, some cats, some tomato plants, cedar trees, gravel driveway, pond lake or creek (or all 3) and two horses. And if I'm gonna dream I may as well throw in a pier on the pond to hold the cooler of beer and some snacks, and a jambox or whatever they're called these days, and a zip line or rope swing over the water. Paradise!
This is my deepest desire,
my most extravagant dream,
my most basic necessity.
And my future reality.
I have my priorities straight.