Ramblings of a sick woman.

I have a sinus infection. I have been sick for only a day and a half and I am already at the end of my rope!
Okay, my pity party is over. Thanks for putting up with that.
I am sitting here going through photos and adjusting color etc. and wanted to write.
Here is a shot of what I do for work, when it's available. This is a Victorian tea table (or is it a Bistro table?) in the warehouse that I do repairs and touch ups in. Trade Winds is a furniture designer right here in Charlotte and this is where they import their stock from overseas. When things get damaged I fix them and touch them up good as new.
This table had some shipping damage and I fixed it and "viola", my job is done.
I'm lucky to have this job because it flexible to say the least and allows me to work when I'm able to. That and the people are really nice. In fact they're about the nicest people I've ever worked for, come to think of it.
My friend Jason hooked me up with them. We went to high school together, limping along equally and painfully in math class in tenth grade and then with equal enthusiasm and talent in the last few years.
A quick interruption: here is one of the best examples of why art doesn't have to be good in Charlotte, it just has to be big.
There are a few more examples I have yet to photograph...coming soon.

Here is the Fabulous Mr. Jason standing in front of a piece of his art on my mantle that I bought five years ago, wearing one of his incredible hat sculptures and holding his Steam Punk Octopus sculpture.
Not only is he adorable, he's also an awesome elementary school art teacher, absolutely hilarious, and a fantastic working artist who produces on a consistent basis.

We were friends at West Charlotte; we both drove old VW Beetles, hated Math and loved Art and we were both sassy as Hell. We still laugh at memories of our confrontations with our preppy obnoxious rivals and dreaded Economics teacher. Actually, me, Jason and the afore blogged about Dana Nagle were all in 11th grade gym class together! Ugh...high school! So glad that's over. If not for friends like Jason and Dana it would have all been for nothing.
Look at him, can't you just see him breakin' down how dumb your outfit is in about 15 seconds?

Lately I've had a few chances to spend time around people closer to high school age. Here are Lindsey on the left and Kerrie on the right. This was taken earlier at Timi's fifth birthday party. Timi is the little short princess and Kerrie is her big sister, they are both my friend Dee's girls. I'm more used to hanging out with five year-olds than eighteen year-olds. They are all so much fun to be around.
I was telling someone recently that the older I get, the broader the spectrum of different aged people I am friends with; it's wonderful. It seems like when I was younger I mostly wanted to have friends around my own age. When I was twenty I thought people who were thirty were so grown up; I thought that by that age growing up would just "happen" to you, like magic. Like you just wake up one day and you are an adult.
Now I know I'll never feel any older than I do right now. I may have older people health problems, but I probably won't think of myself as old. Does anyone ever?
I clearly remember being Timis's age, in fact I remember my fifth birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese's. But I remember thinking "I'll never be seven. It will never get here". Much less eleven or 13 or 18; you may as well have asked me to explain the infinite nature of the very universe as tell me "When you're eleven you can go to the movies with Brandon by yourselves". Useless!
Parents always say things like "The time will fly by", balderdash! I am still quoted on my response to that useless saying with "Time never flies until it's already flown!"
Now that is true. Actually, both are true. How's that for a brain twister?
Right now I am being very un-Zen-like and wanting to believe that the time will fly by; I do not want to live in the moment. I feel CRAPPY at the moment and I just want it all over with!
In a few days when I have my health back these past few miserable days will feel like a distant memory. The time will fly by, but not
until
it's already
FLOWN.

"Crafting"

It has been too long; isn't it amazing how time keeps zipping by at record speed? I've wanted to sit down a write several times but have been lured away by other projects.
I figured I better post something tonight before I forget how.
Here is the latest!
I wasn't sure if I could cut into porcelain with my Dremel or not, turns out I can. The face is one I cut off a small doll "Hanibal Lecter" style. I finished it with a real bronze paint which can be oxidized to a blue/green patina while it is still wet. I love the touches of color in the recessed areas around the features. I hung the face in front of a segment of silver fretwork, a scrap from my cuff material. I found the coolest chain to hang it from that was a very tacky 80's gold. I treated it with a chemical to oxidize the new right off of it so all the materials are in harmony.

This is the clasp of one of my necklaces, I like the back to be pretty too.

I think I've posted these before, but here is a tiny silver meat cleaver I cut out. I just love tiny things.
And I can not get enough of this anvil, I'll admit I've been wearing it. Isn't it funny how you can get hooked on something and you never want to wear anything else? I have plenty other necklaces which are "prettier" but every day I'm drawn to this one.

Also these cuffs, I'm addicted! I had enough of this particular pattern to make about 4 cuffs and I love them! Maybe it's because I fulfilled my childhood dream to turn my Mom's silver serving pieces into jewelry?

Having an idea about something you want to create and not knowing how, or not having the right tools to do it is simply torture. I wish I could have gone to some kind of fantasy trade/art school growing up. When I'm a rich philanthropist some day I'll start up such a school! Wouldn't that be a great legacy?
But for now I will carry on selfishly creating things in the delicious solitude of my own sanctuary.
Tomorrow I will get some great close ups of some more of my pieces to post on Etsy. I sat down with the manual for my D-50 tonight and taught myself to override the flash in macro mode. When all else fails, I resort to reading directions. I'm actually kind of surprised that I was able to figure it out at all. Not too shabby Dust!
Alas I must get my rest, I feel a cold coming on...the burning of my eyeballs and nostrils, swollen glands, post nasal drip etc...
I won't wait as long to post next time, even if I'm sick.

Model!

What a difference a gorgeous model makes!
This is Kerrie Clayton, daughter of my friend Dee Clayton and super gorgeous cool Hipstress (both of them).
This is a tiny silver plate anvil on a vintage snake chain. I love this one.
Here she is in the "Gin" necklace with fleur de lis and large jump rings.
This is a glass pendant with soldered edges. A page from a hymnal is behind glass, with a skull and crossbones in ink drawn onto it.
Here is the brass Victorian pendant with a skull.

Here are Kerrie and Dee wearing the new cuffs together.
I am so lucky to have so many friends to help me with this Etsy project. Kerrie & Dee are the perfect models. And the multitalented Dani Nelson so generously helped me step by step over the phone today with the technical details and she is making a banner for my store!
I am so excited about all this year. There are so many things brewing in the air...can you feel it?
It's all coming together. I'm telling you, success will rain down on us all this year!

I can not believe how fast the last week flew by. So many times I started to write but other projects just called to me and I was like a slave to it. I gave in every time.

On the left is a cuff I made earlier in the week. The other three to its right I made this weekend. I have a "new" silver chafing dish to cut up and hammer out. I love the pattern on this one; it's less common than the material I started off with.

I tried several different patinas, from fairly bright and clean to heavy patina. I am partial to the grungier look.
I also Made the cuts at the ends a few different ways. I think I like a straight cut like the two on the either side.
Ah, I love looking at them as a group. Don't you just feel rich when you have a bunch of your own work in stock piled up? Tomorrow I will add them to my new Etsy store. I am really looking forward to getting adept on this site. My goal is to be lucky enough to sell about as much as I can make eventually. The market is flooded with jewelry but what can I say, I think I'm pretty hot stuff. But perhaps more important, I'm humble. And fabulous!

As I said, I've been consumed by metal all week long. I feel very lucky that I enjoy so many different passions; restoration (automotive, antiques, wood), writing, metal smithing, woodworking and photography to name a few. Whenever I hear someone say they aren't creative or talented in any way it blows my mind. I don't believe it for one thing. Lots of people have latent talents and interests that have been long abandoned, but could be revived and I'm all for it.
So get to it! Pick up a pen and doodle on the power bill, something.
Come on...

Today I took my friend Ryan out to the Farm.
Ryan is one of my oldest friends, we met when I was 15. He was only about six months older, but he was a grade higher than me which didn't matter since we went to different schools anyway.

We met because he and Brandi worked at the same pet store. Bran said "Do you know my sister Dusti?", "No" replied Ryan. She thought he seemed like he should be one of our friends, and thus he was "adopted" into out lives.
Here they are at the Farm today, they haven't seen each other in about ten years.
Doesn't Bran look stunning, by the way?

The short version of Ryan's past 7 years is that he was driving drunk and got himself into a deadly accident. I could go on about it, but I won't; he was in a coma for about three months, "they" didn't expect him to live, he did.
He is now a "Traumatic Brain Injury" survivor and lives in an apartment next to his parent's house on their property. He often says that he's a totally different person, and I take it as though he lays no claim on his previous identity. It bothers me because I'm friends with the original Ryan, which makes me friends with this "new one" too.
When we were kids he was full of typical teenaged angst, he was an Atheist with a sharp wit and a love of alternative rock; a poster child for generation X. He went to school for a while after graduation to study philosophy, then he worked as a vet tech and collected poisonous snakes and other reptiles. We were roommates for years and lived in a warehouse that was formerly a reptile wholesaler. Ryan lived in an office converted to bedroom with wall to wall aquariums housing such rarities as a Gaboon Viper. He would call me into his room to "Come watch me feed my snake, it's amazing!" The snake would strike at the mouse, raise up about 6 inches off the ground with it in his mouth and "walk" it down his throat using his enormous fangs like fingers. It was amazing!
As I said, he was full of angst as a teenager, and was what I'd call cynical as a young adult, but he was a great friend and I always felt like that was just his way.
Seven years after his accident, he has come a long way from having only a twenty percent chance to survive as his doctors warned us while he lay in intensive care. That was a nightmare, actually I remember it like watching someone else's nightmare unfold in front of me. It was a first row seat in a parent's worst nightmare. I watched his Mom and Dad stand over his bed and plead with him to wake up, and I prayed with them for him to return to us. It was an extended period of Limbo. One of the things I remember is the smell of staph coursing through his body, it made me feel sick with empathy for what he must be going through. I remembered that smell from when I contracted a staph infection after a surgery when I was 13. It's an awful sweet kind of odor that conjures up memories of my own physical Hell, which paled in comparison to his by far. Staph is something a person usually only contracts in the hospital, and I remember thinking "Who would have guessed that we'd ever have this in common?"

(Danny digs around in the muck at the pond's edge today while we walk around with Ryan)
Today Ryan is a full-on Christian who doesn't drink, smoke, or cuss and doesn't much appreciate anyone else doing those things either. We discussed the finer points of alcoholism, and how much drinking is too much. I gently debate this and many other topics with him when we get together, because that's just what we've always done. We used to argue with each other vehemently, but now it's as though he is still rebuilding his cognitive functioning so there is no point in being very pushy about anything. I will sort of pose questions to him on the topics of morality and religion; part of it is because I just think he'd enjoy it and part of it is me trying to get to know him now. When asked some questions he defers to other people who he looks to as an authority on the topic in question, like you do as a kid. It's interesting, I think he is rebuilding a whole persona, as he doesn't remember years of his life, and eschews much of what he does.
All of this begs the question, "What makes you who you are?" and "How can you be anyone other than who you are?" What I mean is, how can anyone say "That's not Ryan"? Ryan is who he is right now; every event in his life has led up to who he is today. Who's to say he didn't genuinely find God after what he went through? How can this and all the other changes be a barrier to friendship for people, some who have known him far longer than I? It's not like we're all kids still; we don't all have to agree on everything and we can't "hang out" for hours or days on end like you did when you were growing up anyway. How hard is it to call every once in a while or get together a few times a year?

We didn't go far, we walked out only past the old metal junk that came with the farm at the head of the trail down to the first little creek that flows to the Big Pond. Ryan gets tired faster than I do, which is normal. Actually it's odd for me to have more stamina than someone; being "gimpy" is another thing I never would have thought we'd have in common.
I thought about that as we headed back up to the house. I asked him about how quickly he gets tired, and what being tired is like for him. It sounds eerily like typical MS symptoms. Such odd things we have in common now, but it's something.
Danny stands atop a root ball from a tree overturned during hurricane Hugo years ago. It's now covered in thick beautiful moss. Two decades later the woods still show scars from the damage, but it's all softened. These woods have been building back up all these years, slow and steady. Everything is different, but it's still the same. It's still the same Holy ground I walked growing up, still the same trail I rode horses through day and night year after year.

It was so sad when that hurricane tore through here, rearranging everything in its path. But it was just an event in time. Everything is always changing, nothing is ever fixed, that is just an illusion.
At one time these woods had much bigger and older pines, cedars and oaks. At one time Ryan was too "smart" to believe in God. At one time I was naive and sheltered in my knowledge that nothing really "bad" would ever occur to me.
Now that these woods have been cleared out a little we have Hickory trees and others that used to be more scarce. Now after he nearly died Ryan knows God and takes comfort in all that experience entails. Now that I've had a dose of my own mortality and frailty through an MS diagnosis I am truly more present in my life.
Everything is constantly changing. How things appear to be right now, it's just a moment in time. Life is change, and change is good.

Black Holes: they're not just for outer space anymore.

Yesterday was my 15th Tysabri infusion. It was uneventful and I didn't nap but read Garden & Gun magazine and The Bedside Book Of Death (which I hid from view of all the other patients).
I read an article about a Virginia man who is obsessed with carnivorous pitcher plants, it was fascinating! Oh how I admire professional writers. I also admire people who get obsessed with weird things like flowers that include rats and frogs in their diets.

Be advised the next section is a bunch of MS talk; feel free to skip ahead to the next picture for different topics.
I went to see Dr. Thor last week so he could look at the MRI I had last November. He is delightful and has the most wonderful Norwegian accent that makes him sound even smarter than he would if he sounded like a local. He explained that this scan shows several "black holes" mostly in my right hemisphere which would account for the persistent numbness on my left side. Black holes are places where, once the myelin has been eaten away by your wacked out immune system the neurons it once coated have died and scar tissue has not filled in the space, literally leaving a black hole. Far out huh? It sounds quite ominous & cool but in my case it doesn't amount to much.
I wonder, what part of my brain has been vaporized? Was it the part that's in charge of remembering everything I'm supposed to take with me when I walk out the door? No, that part has never been fully functional. Maybe it was the part that stored memories of things I did with friends years ago and now when they tell me I have no recollection...Wouldn't it be great if the very part I lost were something I'd rather not have, like my "Math" weakness or my tendency to pull my hair out when I'm tired and my hands are idle.
It did occur to me however, that just a few short years ago upon hearing of this possibility it scared me half to death.
Before I started the Tysabri infusions I tried the other conventional injections and found them all to be intolerable. They all either made me sick every time I took them or gave me anaphylactic shock sporadically. I went in to talk to one of the doctors at Thor's office who was very kind and answered all my questions. I wondered what I might expect if I were to quit treatment all together, an option that was fast looking better and better with each allergic reaction I encountered. That was the first time I heard about black holes and it sounded awful. "But, I need all of my brain!" I thought.
It didn't really sink in for a few days and then I discovered it fairly freaked me out. I've learned that the power of the mind to protect itself is pretty amazing. Sometimes when I hear something upsetting it doesn't "land" for a while. Weird. But I suppose since I already got upset over the black hole situation years ago I'm over it now and it doesn't feel like anything remarkable, even a week later.
Or maybe when you've had something like MS for five years when you hear something scary you just think "Oh yeah, what's new?" Yes, yes my brain has holes in it but what is the weather going to be like tomorrow?
In other news I am enjoying making up a large inventory for my upcoming Etsy Shop opening! I love jewelry making so much, even the "gyppy" kind where there is no soldering involved. I do enjoy seeing what can be done with limited resources available. I've been assembling pieces mixing found objects like clock pieces and old skeleton keys with prefabed components. I always sand and oxidize the new stuff to make it blend better.

I've been quite enamored of escutcheons (key holes) lately. They're such interesting little icons; they conjure up architecture and just a hint of mystery. This oval one was cut from a silver platter. I used a damaged one that is silver plate on copper for this. I could never bring myself to destroy a nice piece of sterling when there is so much silverplate to be found. The only draw back is that I can't solder it; the heat burns the silver right off. I could use some cold joining techniques, but that still limits what I could do...

I love oxidizing chains and combining them with jump rings. I need a good source for varying chains...I'm keeping my eyes peeled.

The Fleur de lis is another favorite symbol of mine. It is a stylized version of an iris and originated in France. I've worked the icon into some of my woodcarving and I'm using it in jewelry design also.
I am just itching for a torch and some sheets of silver. I want to construct some tiny coffins, with lids that actually open and some more tombstones like my ring too. But for now there is so much I can do with what I have. I was thinking earlier today about how much I love old water towers of all types...I am going to cut out some simple water tower silhouettes from the engraved silverplate I have on hand. Also I may do some skyscraper silhouettes...
It's a challenge to come up with something that hasn't been done before but I think I can manage; that part of my brain is still intact.

More works in progress...

Here are some materials I'm working with right now...
Pieces from a clock with some keys and chain...
We'll see how it turns out.

Here are two finished pieces. They photograph way better on a black bust instead of rumpled up on the counter.

I am working on several things at once, waiting for everything to culminate into finished pieces. Sometimes you have to have them in your hands for awhile until you know how to put them together.